Dear Auntie, 

I always put people first before me. I make sure they are standing and succeeding and I give them unlimited support. And while I love to see them flourish and succeed in life, I am neglecting myself and my success. I convinced myself that it would be selfish to put myself first but now I am questioning that decision. Sometimes I wish others would do the same that I do for them. 

– Anonymous

Dear Student, 

I understand where you are coming from. You must understand that while it is amazing you love to support and put others before yourself (which is not a bad thing), you need to put yourself first sometimes too. You should focus on your well-being before you can focus on other people. Even the strongest shoulders to lean on (such as yourself) need stability from others too sometimes. Some people may not even be aware that you feel this way, so you should let them know. Don’t be afraid to express your concerns. Focus on yourself for once. It is not selfish, you deserve to take time for yourself and receive the same support you give to others. 

-Sincerely, Auntie

Dear Auntie, 

Since the pandemic I have been having anxiety about hanging out with people, even my friends. I feel disconnected. I never feel like I know what to say anymore. I’m afraid of sounding dumb or out of touch and afraid I’ll be judged. How can I get over this?

– Disconnected

Dear Student,

It is natural to feel disconnected from friends and other people when you haven’t seen them for a long period of time. I understand on a personal level how you feel. It’s like they changed or maybe you changed over that period of separation and when you finally get to see them again, it feels different, like maybe they think of you differently. But I believe you can re-bond with friends. First, don’t worry about being judged or sounding dumb, don’t tell yourself those things. Something you can do with those people is catch up on what you did in that time apart. Talk about everything that happened and your views of life. Don’t overthink being looked at differently by people that you hung out with. Overthinking leads to doubts, anxiety and insecurity. Talk to those people if you feel like there is something that makes it feel like there is a ‘distance’ or ‘disconnection’ between you two. 

– Wishing the best, Auntie