She Isn’t

Laughter, happiness, smiles. 

That’s how she presents herself at school.

She gets good grades, pays attention, gets her work done. 

Little did they know she was falling.

Off the deep deep end. 

The rain. The rainbows.

They both made him feel something. 

But he just can’t figure it out. 

Maybe it’s hope. Maybe doom.

She didn’t feel anything.

But she always wanted to be with him.

What happens when I die?

Do I see my grandparents ? Do I get to hear their voices again ?

Or is it darkness that consumes me ? Does it hurt ?

I’m so scared.

Chapped Lips. Chipped black nail polish.

Bushy eyebrows. Big thighs.

A stomach that just can’t stay flat. 

Stretch marks. Everywhere. 

A double chin. Small eyes. 

“She’s beautiful isn’t she ?”

There she goes again. Trying to convince herself of something she isn’t.