Dear Auntie: Friend Advice

Dear Auntie,

I see a lot of things and I know about a lot of things that go on at school and even outside of school. Some of it is not right but my friends don’t seem to care. I was raised differently. I like hanging out with my friends but I don’t feel right when they do some of the things they do. I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to get them in trouble so I just keep it to myself but I just feel stuck. Like I’m caught between having friends and doing the right thing.

-HHIS Student

Dear Student,

I understand you are placed in a difficult position and I am glad that you do not let these friends become bad influences on you and that you are able to see wrong from right. First of all, if these friends of yours are making choices that are causing physical, mental, or emotional harm to others and/or are making illegal choices then it should be reported. You should not feel guilty for putting a stop to the unethical actions of others for the sake of protecting them. You can choose to keep depraved friends and ignore doing the right thing or you can let go of these friends and do the right thing. Remember that there are other people out there and you can make new friends who make better choices. You don’t have to stick with the same ones if you feel they aren’t good for you. And if you want to keep these friends then you should ask yourself if these friends are good people who make bad decisions or bad people who make bad decisions. By asking yourself this, you can decide if you can change them and make them make better choices (if they are good people who make bad decisions). But keep in mind that you cannot change a person if they cannot change themself first. So it is up to the person in question to decide if they want to do what’s right or not, which is why I don’t recommend putting all your effort into keeping these friends to try to change them. Try to find people who have a positive influence on you, others in school, and the community.

Best of wishes, Auntie

Dear Auntie,

I have a class where the girls I sit with are kind of disrespectful in class and they aren’t really nice when the teacher comes around to see how we’re doing. I feel uncomfortable. I like the teacher and don’t want to be rude. I think we could be nicer and more respectful, but I can’t show it. My friends would just think I was weird and not cool.

-Anonymous

Dear Student,

Find time outside of class to pull these girls aside and tell them how you feel and tell them what they are doing wrong and why. Respect is a part of basic human decency and no one is above using it. If your friends think that you are weird or not cool for being kind and respectful then it’s time to find new friends that have values and morals. Go to your teacher before or after class or during one of the breaks and talk to them. Explain your situation and assure this teacher that you mean no disrespect. If the girls continue to be disrespectful and unkind, then ask the teacher if you could be moved to a different seat to get away from that negativity or ask the teacher to pull the girls aside to talk about their behavior.

All the best, Auntie