Welcome to the second run of our advice column for teens. Please email any questions or inquiries to Ms. Ferrance or drop them to room E9. We will make sure Auntie gets the message!

Dear Auntie,

I was raised to always think that I had to have a perfect appearance, perfect grades, perfect life or the people I care about and love would be disappointed in me and not think I am enough. I feel like I wear this fake armor, this fake appearance of mine in front of everyone around me, and that I can’t express my true self and feelings. Am I doing the right thing?

Dear Student,

I know that pleasing everyone else and trying to show them how worthy you are seems like one of the most important things in a teenager’s life, but the thing is you shouldn’t try to be perfect at everything just to prove that you are enough. The people who truly love and care about you are the ones that embrace your imperfections and they see you for your true self. You are enough no matter what and no one is perfect. It is unhealthy and self-detrimental trying to be perfect and not express your emotions because you won’t be able to connect with yourself and others and you will struggle with forming healthy happy relationships and social skills. Don’t be afraid to show your true flawed human self to people because they are flawed humans too and there is no room for judgment. 

Sincerely, Auntie

Dear Auntie, 

I struggle with asking the adults around my questions and asking for help. I don’t know exactly why. Maybe I’m just too nervous or afraid of their answer? The thing is I get in trouble or get something wrong because I didn’t ask. So I need to break this fear. Any advice on how I can?

Dear Student,

I understand this problem and I hope you realize that you have already started to face this fear by reaching out and asking for my advice. To face this fear you can first observe other people asking adults questions. See how there is nothing to be afraid of. You should start asking the people you trust for help and then you can slowly gain the confidence to be comfortable with everyone. Also, don’t wait until something goes wrong to ask an adult for something. 

Wishing the best, Auntie

Dear Auntie, 

I have trouble making friends because of my social anxiety disorder. I feel lonely a lot of the time and wish I could have a friend to talk to. How do I make friends? 

Dear Student,

First, you want to find friends that are kind, trustworthy, loyal, and that have a good influence on you. Choose the quality of friends over quantity. Approach someone that could be a potential friend and ask if you could sit next to them or hang out with them. Get to know them better. Something subtle. I understand that approaching social interactions if you have social anxiety can be extremely nerve-wracking so maybe have a stress ball or some kind of fidget in your hand to relieve your stress, take deep breaths and calm your mind. You would be surprised how welcoming and kind someone you meet can be 🙂

With Aloha, Auntie